the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
