I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We left the knife in your bed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
