Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
