Im at strip club and am horny
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
