The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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