So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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