She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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