I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
