this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
