The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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