It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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