I'm drive I can fine osifer
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
