her vagine was all disorganized.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
