You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
as a side note pls kill me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
