Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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