Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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