Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
accomplished twins. life is a go
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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