there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
