that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
