$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
