Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
