I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
