what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
