I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Who died my cat blue again?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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