And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
