I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
