you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
