O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
