yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
