I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
