so that wasnt chicken after all
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
