if you like me you must not know who I am
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
