I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
