he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
