I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
