I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
