So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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