She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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