last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
