Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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