he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
