I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
