woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
