I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
