im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
