If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you made out with another girl for some wings
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
false alarm, still single
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