So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
