sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
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I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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