I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
