I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
