My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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