I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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