God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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