Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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