Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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