I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
