And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
