i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
