She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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