I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
