We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
