well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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