You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
