@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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