I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
