I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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