Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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