omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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