I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
