Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
