just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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