My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I forget how to act sober
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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