I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
