This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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