you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
