Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
