I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
