yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
